Disco Witches Recap 8: Diana pretends not to be horny, and we forgive her for it

After that short interruption, we're back in Diana's head and we pick up quite literally where we left off: Four hours later I woke up on top of the duvet, clutching the phone. - p. 30 I don't remember her passing out mid-conversation, but let's go with it. Diana looks at the clock and realizes …

Disco Witches Recap 7: Matthew Clairmont is equal parts spy and sex kitten

Once upon a time, Stephanie Meyer had planned to rewrite Twilight from Edward's point of view (working title: Midnight Sun). But then someone leaked an early draft online, she got mad and scrapped the whole idea. Later, when Meyer was about to revive it, EL James came out with her Grey series (50 Shades from …

Disco Witches Recap 6: God’s favorite garden and a very long phone call

We jump to Diana walking home. She walks quickly and everything seems spooky because a handsome man asked her out to dinner (okay, fine, he's also a stalker). She gets home. She feels safe because she needs a key card to get into New College, where she's staying. Surely no one could breach this infrastructure. …

Disco Witches Recap 5: Introducing Matthew Clairmont, a very original vampire

So here we are. On the verge of a plot. Diana has just encountered a vampire lurking in the library. She's turned to face him. She's mentally reviewed about 5000 random facts and details about her life, but now she's ready to describe something actually happening in front of her. This one was tall--well over …

Disco Witches Recap 4: Finally, some hot vampire action (just kidding)

Unfounded theory time: I have a sneaking suspicion that these books started out as Twilight fanfiction. And while I can't prove it, it's something I'd like you to keep in the back of your mind as we continue to trudge through these recaps. So, anyway, where were we? Oxford's bells chimed seven times. Night didn't …

Disco Witches Recap 3: She opens the book and all hell breaks loose (it doesn’t)

If you've ever read The Princess Bride (and you should) there's a running joke throughout the book where -- right before the action starts (sword fights, rock fights, etc.) -- the author interrupts the scene with a ton of really long, really boring backstory. It's funny in theory, and it kind of works, but notably …

Disco Witches Recap 2: Diana needs to think about her whole life before opening a book

When we left off, Diana had taken a book out of the library and was absolutely refusing to open it. On we go: Diana now informs us that she's a reluctant witch. You see, she's spent years trying to create a barrier between academic work and witchcraft. Her academic work... studying 17th century alchemy. In …

Disco Witches Recap 1: Diana Bishop is in no way a Mary Sue and how dare you suggest it

I'm never 100% sure how to start my recaps. Basically, these books are terrible but the opening is mostly... fine. I'll try to guide you quickly through the majority of this chapter, taking time to pause on the truly ridiculous elements. But hopefully you'll glean some concept of the overall plot and characters as we …

Let’s Discover Some Witches Together

The world has moved on from 50 Shades (I say, with an equal amount of sadness and relief), and frankly both The Mister and the second 50-Shades-but-from-Christian's-PoV cash grab were both so woeful that trying to recap them proved impossible. So instead, let's talk about A Discovery of Witches: a series that is, in many …

All Men Are Sociopaths: Chapter 1 of “The Mister”

My last recaps were of Grey, which -- if you hadn't heard -- had the fantastically original idea of retelling the whole first book of the 50 Shades trilogy, but from Christian's point of view. And in theory, getting inside of the head of a 27 year old self-made billionaire orphan crack baby with Mommy …